Recently a friend told me she was having difficulty with an employee and wondered if she would need to dismiss him. I quickly pulled on my human resources hat and advised her. The best piece of advice I learned early in my career when I was a human resource manager was to focus on behavior when complementing or critiquing an employee.
That piece of advice is not just good business advice (I was going to write this under “Best Business Practices), it is sound inter-personal relationship advice. It is amazing parenting and teaching advice.
Proverbs 18:21 speaks of the power of the tongue. The Easy To Read Version states it this way,
“The tongue can speak words that bring life or death.” Proverbs 18:21
The words you choose to speak to others not only influence your interaction with them, they can mold the how they see themselves.
Words matter. Back in the day, when I was supervising employee reviews I had the managers focus on behavior rather than personality or character traits. What does that mean? Focusing on the behavior means you focus on what you can see or hear a person doing.
Rather than saying, “You are doing a good job” you might say, “I like how you stay busy dusting or stocking shelves, when there are no customers in the store.”
Instead of, “He’s a great teacher” perhaps it would be more helpful to share, “He is always on time and fully prepared with the lesson” or “He has decades of experience and he brings his personal stories to enhance the lecture.”
Next time you are in a situation that calls for a compliment or requires a constructive critique, think about what you see and hear. Focus on the behavior. Then choose words that align with the behavior rather than the person.
Your compliment will be specific and will help to fuel more of that behavior.
Your critique could open the door to positive behavior and habit change.
I call that a win-win situation.